Sit down to tea with your inner critic

Posted on Posted in professional presence

We all have an inner critic and, as women, ours are particularly harsh.

Our inner critics are notorious for endless negative talk flowing out of the limiting beliefs we hold, rooted in our perception of self regardless of any tangible reality and formed in our minds through social conditioning, education, experience, etc.

This inner critic, with her criticism and disapproval, is not helpful and not useful to us. Such criticism is demotivating, leading to stress and/or anxiety. It limits us and holds us back from being our best selves.

Our inner critic plays a role, ironically helping us feel  in control of our lives by preventing us from facing our fears – like just being human rather than perfect!

So a good way to manage your critic is to hear her out – invite your critic to tea and listen to what she has to say. Listen with an open mind, with compassion and curiosity, like you would with a good friend.

Tell her how you feel and get it off your chest. If her criticism upsets you, say “Please don’t talk to me that way; I will be OK. I know you are looking out for me but I will cope with what happens”.

Do this when you are feeling confident, not in frustration or anger.  Come to the table with compassion for yourself, knowing your critic will push your buttons. Be gentle with yourself and let your own values guide your critic’s voice.

When tea time is over, clear the table and begin anew. This is the equivalent of forgiving yourself for mistakes and shortfalls, and allowing yourself to start over, having learned the lessons that were there for you.


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